Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
