I CAN MOONWALK!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
