You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
