Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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