I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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