the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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