we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
