i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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