Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
