Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
