hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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