a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
