We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
