You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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