My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The air was thick with penises
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
