Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
