My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So here I am, sexting at work.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
