I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
