No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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