So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
