I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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