there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
