i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
