Sry I called you an 8
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
