1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
