He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
