I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
