i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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