so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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