my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
