When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Boobs are out for the taking
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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