the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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