Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i think i have herpe
just one?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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