She said her name was "party"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
