i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
