At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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