Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
