good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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