Princesses don't give blow jobs
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
