I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
