I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
