Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
