Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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