I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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