I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
