Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
