Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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