Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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