she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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