I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
