Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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