theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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